You know that thing you said three days ago?
The one you’ve replayed approximately 47 times, analyzing your tone, their facial expression, what you should have said, and whether they now secretly think you’re weird They probably don’t. Your brain is just being dramatic again.
Overthinking has a way of making very small things feel enormous. A delayed reply becomes “Did I do something wrong?” A strange tone becomes “They’re upset with me.” One mistake becomes “I always mess everything up.” And a completely unknown future somehow becomes a collection of very detailed disasters that haven’t actually happened.
The funny thing is, we often know we’re doing it. We know we’re overthinking. And yet our brains respond with: Okay, but what if we think about it one more time? Maybe this time we’ll finally solve it.
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For when your brain needs a little help switching off
Sometimes I need a reminder that I don’t have to believe, analyze or solve every single thought that enters my head.
So I put together a little collection of books and tools for overthinkers – books about quieting mental chatter and changing the way we relate to our thoughts, along with journals and simple screen-free activities for those moments when you just need to get out of your own head.
→ [For When Your Brain Is Being Dramatic – Books & Tools for Overthinkers]
Among the books I’ve included are titles about overthinking, worry and that endlessly chatty inner voice, plus a few simple things for journaling, slowing down and redirecting your attention when your thoughts are going in circles. Now, back to that brain of ours.
Not Every Thought Deserves Your Attention
This might be one of the most important things to remember when you tend to overthink: Having a thought doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t even necessarily make it important. Sometimes our thoughts are useful. They help us solve problems, notice when something isn’t right and make decisions. Other times? Our brains take one tiny piece of information and write an entire screenplay around it.
Reality: They haven’t replied yet.
Brain: They’re annoyed with me. I said something wrong. They’re deliberately ignoring me. Was it that thing I said yesterday? I knew I shouldn’t have said that.
But the only thing we actually know is: They haven’t replied yet. Everything else is a story we’ve created to fill in the information we don’t have. And once you start noticing the difference between what happened and what your brain says it means, some of those thoughts become a lot less convincing.
You Don’t Have to Figure Everything Out Right Now
I think a lot of overthinking comes from wanting certainty. We want to know we’re making the right decision. We want to know whether something will work out. Whether someone likes us. Whether we’re wasting our time. Whether we’ll succeed. Whether everything is going to be okay. So we think. And think. And think some more. As though somewhere around thought number 183, absolute certainty is finally going to appear. But some things simply can’t be known yet. Sometimes the answer only comes from living long enough to find out. There is something strangely freeing about admitting: I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what will happen. I don’t know what someone else is thinking. I don’t know whether every decision I make will turn out to be the right one. And I don’t need to know everything today.
Ask Yourself: Is This Actually Happening?
When your brain starts running away with a situation, try separating what you know from what you’re imagining.
Ask yourself: What is actually happening right now? Not what might happen tomorrow. Not what you’re afraid this could mean. Not what happened once five years ago and your brain has suddenly decided is extremely relevant.
What is happening right now? Sometimes the answer is almost funny. You’re sitting on the couch. You’re drinking coffee. The sun is coming through the window. Your phone is sitting beside you. Everything is completely fine.
Meanwhile, somewhere inside your head: EMERGENCY MEETING.
Your brain has created a crisis that currently exists almost entirely in your imagination. Coming back to what is physically happening around you can make the story in your head feel a little smaller.
What If You Let the Thought Be Unfinished?
This one is difficult for overthinkers.
We like conclusions. We want to understand why. Why did they say that? Why did that happen? What does it mean? What should I do? What if I misunderstood? What if I make the wrong decision?
We keep turning the thought over because it feels uncomfortable to leave a question unanswered. But not every thought needs a satisfying conclusion. Sometimes you can simply say: I don’t know. Maybe I’ll understand later. There isn’t anything I need to do about this right now.
And then go make dinner.
There is something wonderfully rebellious about declining the emergency meeting your brain has scheduled.
Give Yourself a Reality Check
When you catch yourself spiraling, it can help to ask a few simple questions:
–What do I actually know?
–What am I assuming?
–Is there anything I can realistically do about this right now?
–Will thinking about this for another hour actually change anything?
–Am I solving a problem, or am I just repeating it?
That last one is especially important. Because thinking about something and solving something aren’t necessarily the same thing. Sometimes we’re not getting any closer to an answer. We’re just walking around the same mental roundabout.
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life
Sometimes the best response to overthinking isn’t another thought.
It’s doing something.
Go for a walk.
Take a shower.
Read ten pages of a book.
Make something with your hands.
Do a puzzle.
Clean one drawer.
Write everything down and close the notebook.
Put on music.
Go outside.
Call someone.
Take photographs.
Make something terrible just because making it is fun. Do something that reminds you there is an entire world happening outside your thoughts. You don’t always need to think yourself out of overthinking. Sometimes you need to stop thinking for a while and go live.
Your Brain Isn’t Always the Best Storyteller
Our brains are incredibly good at filling in blanks. Unfortunately, they don’t always choose the nicest explanation.
Someone is quiet? – They’re angry.
Something feels uncertain? – It’s going to go badly.
You made a mistake? – Everyone noticed.
Something good is happening? – Okay, but what if it goes wrong?
Thanks, brain. Very helpful.
But you don’t have to follow every story all the way to the ending. You can notice the thought without turning it into a prediction. You can feel uncertain without immediately trying to eliminate the uncertainty. You can have an awkward moment without making it part of your identity. You can make a mistake without deciding it says something terrible about you. And you can have a worrying thought without treating it like a warning from the future.
You Are Probably Thinking About Yourself More Than Anyone Else Is
Remember that embarrassing thing you did five years ago? Probably. Now try to remember five embarrassing things other people did five years ago. Exactly.
We spend so much time worrying about how we’re being perceived while everyone else is busy doing the same thing about themselves. Most people aren’t analyzing your awkward sentence. They’re thinking about their own awkward sentence. They’re not lying in bed conducting a detailed investigation into the weird thing you did at dinner. They’re wondering whether they were weird at dinner. There is something incredibly freeing about realizing that you are simply not the main character in everyone else’s head.
And What If It Actually Goes Wrong?
This might be my favorite question. Because overthinking often tries to protect us by predicting every possible negative outcome. But let’s say one of them actually happens. You make the wrong decision.
Someone doesn’t like you.
Something doesn’t work out.
You embarrass yourself.
Plans change.
You fail at something.
Then what?
You’ll deal with it.
You’ll learn something.
You’ll change direction.
You’ll be embarrassed for a while and eventually laugh about it.
You’ll make another decision.
You’ll keep going.
You don’t need to mentally experience every possible disaster in advance just to prove that you’ll be capable of handling life when it happens.
Maybe It Really Isn’t That Deep
Of course, some things are worth thinking deeply about. Important decisions deserve consideration. Difficult feelings shouldn’t simply be pushed away. Sometimes worry is pointing toward a real problem that needs our attention. But not everything requires that level of analysis. Not every awkward interaction needs a post-mortem. Not every unanswered message means something. Not every mistake reveals something profound about who you are. Not every uncertain situation needs to be solved tonight. Not every thought deserves another thought. Sometimes the conversation was just a conversation. The look was just a look. The silence was just silence. And the thing you’ve been analyzing for the last hour? Maybe it really isn’t that deep. Sometimes your brain is simply being dramatic again. Let it have its moment.
Then go live your life.